When I started working in the addiction field 20 some years ago, I didn’t realize at the time the connection it had to my longstanding passion of empowering women. I had always realized that when women choose to have children, how many they have, and the partner they choose to have them with, is so critical to the progression their lives take. It wasn’t really until I had my own children that the full extent of these decisions became real.
I realized then how vulnerable children are, and how we, the parents, really are their world. Women who enter addiction treatment often have just delivered a drug addicted baby and are mandated to be in treatment or else lose the baby, and are often women who have had children taken away from them relating to their drug use and must get treatment in order to retain custody. Many women entering treatment think they may be pregnant, and many times are disappointed when they are not. Over and over, this history would include children already lost to the women and in foster care or with relatives. Yet, so many women expressed the desire for more children and became pregnant again.
I found this distressing and heartbreaking, yet compelling. What was the reason?
Why do addicted women continue to have so many children that they are unable to care for?
Why isn’t having a child motivation enough to stay drug free?
Why do many women go back to using and and risk losing their child or children or relinquish them to others voluntarily?
Why would I see women from years back that were in residential care with a new baby, now back in treatment pregnant again or having just delivered another child, and the older child or children no longer in her care?
Certainly, a woman actively using drugs or alcohol isn’t thinking about birth control, or thinking ahead to the future. And, it’s certainly more than just having access to contraception. It is an emptiness that a baby/child can hopefully fill, thinking the father of the baby will stay around (even though many times the partner is incarcerated or dependent on substances). It is a longing for this time the outcome will be different.
What mother doesn’t want to be good mother, and provide a nourishing environment for her children? But, without ever having effective role models, without a background of love and stability that prepares them for this most demanding, all important role and responsibility, the chance for success seems bleak. Add significant trauma which many addicted women have experienced, and that chance gets bleaker. However, It is never hopeless. Especially if women can get adequate treatment, have access to resources, and postpone more pregnancies while addressing all the aspects of addiction treatment.
My goal is to look at this complex problem, attempt to understanding the underlying issues in a compassionate, non judgmental manner, and find solutions.
